A guide to dating for people living with disability
Pop that cork, whip out your bouquet of flowers and prepare to blush, because the anxiety of a first date or knowing what to say can get overwhelming unless you’re prepared.
Key points:
- Be open and honest about living with a disability, rather than waiting for someone to find out
- We all get rejected sometimes or have bad dates, but it’s never a reason to stop trying
- If it’s a deal breaker for someone, then you’re meant for someone better
Let this edition of Disability Support Guide be your wingman or wingwoman for entering into the dating scene whilst living with a disability. This article will cover the difference between digital and dating, breaking the ice, expressing yourself and knowing how to work your charm.
Unexpected love or the online hunt?
Whether you’re in school, university, work or just doing day-to-day tasks as a single person out in public, you’ll pass by other people constantly and for many, it happens when it happens… The glint in someone’s smile, something you overheard them saying or meeting their eyes across the room and thinking to yourself, “wow.”
However, when you meet someone out in public or throughout the course of your life, you never know whether they’re looking for a relationship, whether they’re looking for a relationship with you or whether you would enjoy the company of that person at all.
Meeting people in person and trying to build up the confidence to talk to them and build that relationship to take it to the next level or ask the necessary questions may be a recipe for disaster. People may still express disinterest online, but you might be able to save yourself the hassle of finding out if someone is interested in a relationship by going somewhere you know people want to meet a romantic or sexual partner.
This is why many people are now looking at online dating as a viable dating option, through apps such as Tinder and Bumble (all preferences) or Grindr (for specifically the LGBTQ+ community).
Here are the positives and negatives for mobile dating apps:
Pros
- There are a lot of people on these platforms, so you’ll have many potential opportunities to meet someone
- Rather than trying to come up with a response to “tell me about yourself” on the spot, you can take your time to come up with something clever
- You can choose your photos and get creative with sharing your best styles, moments and pictures
- Some apps give you opportunity to put forth your preferences and deal breakers (smoking, drinking, children or pets)
- You can get to know a person a bit and build up a bond comfortably before meeting them and feel secure in yourself
- Some apps let you pay to see people that have expressed interest in you, to cut down on rejection and see your options
- You can include your disability in your profile or tell potential partners about it, so that they know what they’re in for
Cons
- The rate of rejection is very high due to the number of people on these platforms (don’t worry — that’s across the board, don’t take it personally)
- There’s an increased likelihood for scams and you may find people who don’t use the platform to find love (often called ‘catfishing’ or used to take advantage of a naive person)
- People tend to be nastier online, so you may encounter some unwelcoming comments
- Meeting someone in real life after only knowing them online can be particularly awkward, especially if you’ve discussed anything intimate
- You have to wait to hear back from the other person, which can take far longer than a call or in-person meeting
- People tend to lie about things online, like their age, profession or even their past
Breaking the ice and expressing yourself
True love isn’t based on false beginnings, so be open and upfront with people about your disability. One of the easiest ways to get off on the right foot — show a sense of confidence and some wit or humour to your introductions if you feel comfortable doing so.
Although not all disabilities are visual, if your profile only includes pictures of yourself which are deceptive in order to avoid any discrimination, you may only be prolonging disappointment when you eventually have to meet up with someone.
Keep in mind that you’re not a disabled person, you’re a person who happens to have a disability. This means that whether it’s your fashion, your interests, hairstyle, job or even something as small as the cologne or perfume you use — be your best self and don’t be ashamed of that.
When it comes to dating, one of the most important things to keep in mind is how you present yourself. It always helps to make a good first impression. This can involve dressing well, coming up with interesting date ideas and being your true self.
Expressing yourself also means knowing how, why and when you don’t feel up to doing something, whether it’s telling someone you love them in the early stages or sharing intimate secrets — knowing how to say “no” takes just as much effort and tells the other person a bit about how they can make you happy, so it’s just as important.
How do I get someone to like me?
The honest truth is that you can never force people to like you, but you can force yourself to be a version of you that you’re happy with and happiness naturally attracts other people. It gives people confidence, makes a room light up and brings smiles to a situation, which people will remember and admire you for doing.
Show an interest in the lives of others and their problems, because listening is twice as important as speaking. If you can open yourself up to others, make sure that they can open themselves up to you.
If you ever find yourself frustrated or feel like you’re not being listened to, consider asking people questions and using their experiences as points of conversation to bounce off of. Start a dialogue rather than a monologue.
Related content:
Sex education – an important part of learning about life